What have you been working on?

These days I am working to understand the children and parents of our society. Our children are becoming very rebellious, cruel, fearless and careless these days. Perhaps the reason for this is upbringing. A few years ago I saw a film “Dear Zindagi”. In the film Alia Bhatt has played the role of a rebellious girl ‘Kyra’ who is suffering from severe insomnia, who has a deep mistrust towards relationships. Who is angering the whole world due to her rudeness in behavior and is unable to overcome the guilt of this. Due to insomnia and anxiety she meets a psychiatrist. Therapy begins, the psychiatrist played by Shahrukh Khan, while talking to Kiara continuously, comes to know that somewhere behind all her problems are the bad memories of her childhood. There is emotional abandonment from her parents and lack of a healthy upbringing.  Doctor Jahangir takes Kaira back to her childhood, touches the softest emotions of her heart and tries his best to make sure that Kaira does not mess with her future based on her childhood memories. And finally she forgets everything and forgives her parents. He explains to Kaira that it is not necessary to get everything in life in totality. People should not be judged on very difficult parameters and once we take a closer look at their world, it becomes easier for us to forgive them. Anyway, in this endeavour, both of them are ultimately successful at their own level. But in reality, is it so easy for people, especially children, to recover? Maybe yes, maybe no.

I am also very sensitive towards my children. This is not related to any specific memory of my childhood. But this film has left a deep impact on my mind, my psyche. When I look back at my childhood, I find that my parents were always aware of my needs and all ours. They hardly understood psychology but they gave priority to my emotional existence. They knew my emotional self very well. Maybe I also gave some hints, but since childhood, neither me nor my brothers were taken for granted. All the time of my parents was our time. If good parenting is a difficult task, then I believe that they did it very easily. We grew up, started going to jobs, we got rejections, we also got rebuked but our emotional ground was so strong that it did not affect us much. If there is a lack in upbringing, then its psychological impact is deep. Now that I am a mother myself, I am constantly finding that after spending a stressful and busy day, I am able to save very little time for the children.  When I look at the world, I worry about their survival, but time seems to be flying by. I don’t know if my experiences will be able to shape their lives or not, but I think it is right to share them with them from time to time. Our time, our world was different, but I want their emotional ground to be as strong as ours. They should know that whenever they get disappointed, there is someone to whom they can return and share that disappointment.

Parenting is not a competition that requires a lot of preparation to win. I just try to see the world through the eyes of children, give them time, listen to them, cook their favourite food, be with them as much as I can, as much as possible.. even then if there is any shortcoming, I can forgive myself.. I know this much that there is no better therapy than love, affection and companionship. And by sharing this experience with the children and parents of my neighbourhood, I am helping them learn something too.